Faith | Book View
After hearing this phrase from Jayem for about the 3rd time I took note of it and made it part of my contemplation.
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Faith | Text View
"Faith: the experiment becomes the experience."
After hearing this phrase from Jayem for about the 3rd time, I took note of it and made it part of my contemplation. Sitting in Darshan with Jayem and nine other brothers and sisters of the Heart, March 14th, 2006, I had a realization that the only passion in my life that is real is my Desire to Know God and to know my self as the Christ of God. But then, the ego rose up and challenged my newly found Awareness. How, exactly, do I fulfill that desire?
I asked Jayem to tell me how to live the Seamless Life; how to be in the world but not of it and have everything I do be in the Flow of Love's Essence. I told all gathered that my deepest desire for the Seamless Life was to write, teach and travel. His answer shocked me and put my ego into cataleptic terror. "Go home and sell all you have and Write, Teach and Travel." My God, what does that mean? I'm leaving Bali tomorrow. When I get home, I'll just gather my meager possessions, sell them to someone and begin writing, teaching and traveling. Well that one is solved. What Next?
What he and the others helped me see was that the worst of my fears was already manifested. What I was feeling and experiencing daily was as bad as it was going to get. Without a job, money or a relationship, I could not feel any worse than I did right now. If I followed by Bliss and began to implement my vision, whatever pain and suffering I was feeling now would not get any worse; and, at least I would be doing what I love. No guarantees it would get better, but it could not get any worse.
When a seed is planted and it begins to grow, it will not stop…for anything. It cannot, for that is its Nature: to grow to its full potential and allow its Light to shine. That seed of my desire, being fed with the fertilizer of Bull Shit composed of my fearful, limiting thoughts, flourished in the dark, damp and fertile environment of my creative mind. Faith: The Experiment Becomes the Experience, began to make sense to me as more than a clever phrase spoken by a Loving Teacher. Even as I write this essay, the "meaning" of Faith is revealed to me in the letters of the word: Freedom Appears If Trust Happens. Living in Trust frees me from worry and attachment to the things of the world that have held me in paralysis. When I got home to California, I read the description of Alam Cinta, The Nature of Love-The Men's Retreat, to be held in Bali the last week in April. The seed began to sprout.
I had first heard of Alam Cinta during the last three days of my vacation with Renée, my loving partner. I "knew" I could not attend. I had used all my accrued vacation and didn't have enough money to return so soon. But, I had tasted the possibility in Darshan. A week and a half later, Renée completed the Women's Retreat and communicated the profound power of her experience. The Divine Discontent of Spirit moved through me, and I knew that I had to return at the end of April. I spent two sleepless nights thinking what I might miss if I didn't go, and wondering how to make it happen. Fears surfaced: my manager would not allow me the time off so soon, even without pay. Was I willing to let my job go to return to Bali? I would have to borrow from my 401(k) to pay for the trip. I wouldn't see Renée while I was there. Fear gripped my heart! Then, I remembered the phrase of Faith. If I didn't perform the experiment, I could not change my experience. And, I didn't like the experience I was having.
On Friday, March 31st, I presented my Vacation Request to my manager: he signed it with a flourish and said he was envious. I learned that we were getting a bonus at the end of April. I moved some money from my 401(k) into my checking account. I purchased my plane tickets online and made my deposit to Way of Mastery. I text messaged Renée and she was elated. She had been praying I would return. Alam Cinta was underway!
Since then, my whole life has changed, within. My mantra for the past several years has been: Be the Change from the Inside Out. I stepped out in faith with an experiment, and it became my experience.
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